thoughts on rain {& things related}

There are times in my life (such as now) where my state of living has a really great sadness at the very center. When I step out into the rain, all of the sudden I'm very aware of the sadness and I just want to cry. And as I stand there, watching and feeling the rain, I have a sense that God is crying too.

I've come to a place in life where I've realized that God is sovereign over all things. I see His sovereignty in things as little as me forgetting to do something, or even things like how I do my make-up on a particular day. When I realize that He's sovereign over these little things, I can't help but know that He must be sovereign over the big things too... storms, presidencies, war. The good things that happen, and the bad things ~ the victories as well as the losses. What makes me sad, though, and distresses me, is thinking, "If God is sovereign over my thoughts and choices, why am I having to deal with all these battles going on in my heart? Why do I feel like I'm having to fight, and fight, and often lose?" We know that God is good and gracious, and we also know that He is sovereign. So where is the goodness in His sovereignty when a family's house burns down? When a child dies? When families are torn apart? When a teen gives into addictions and other worldly things that lead to despair? These are unsettling questions that we'll never fully know the answers to. They're the questions that pay a big tribute to the sadness at the core of my life.

In a book I'm reading they talked about this a little. They said, "what appears to be a loss may actually be a gain, when we understand it fully." They referred to Joseph, who said in Genesis 46:5-8 "don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives. There has been a famine in the land now for two years; the famine will continue for five more years—neither plowing nor harvesting. God sent me on ahead to pave the way and make sure there was a remnant in the land, to save your lives in an amazing act of deliverance. So you see, it wasn't you who sent me here but God." So many times throughout the Bible we see that God truly does work all things together for good for those who love Him {Romans 8:28}.

The reality of life is, that it's really hard to keep those things in mind and really believe them in the face of difficulty and trial. But God offers to be our peace. And He promises to sing over us. He has compassion on us and loves us like craaazy. :) I'm so thankful for a God who laughs when I laugh... and cries when I cry.