why do i do the things that i hate?

....for example, I've been constantly wearing both pink and red lately, at the same time. Which is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves ~ pink & red together. But yesterday, when I was going out to exercise, I was wearing red socks with my sneakers that have pink accents & laces. The socks were covered by my pants, but putting my shoes on was torture. And then, last night, I was carrying my *red* choir folder when my fingernails were *pink*, as well as my shirt, and one of my rings. And then TODAY, my fingernails were STILL pink and I was STILL wearing my pink ring, and I was wearing a RED sweater! I immediately took off my ring, and made a note to take off my nail polish as soon as possible (it was chipping & needed to be taken off anyway). So yeah, that's been pretty frustrating ;)

I've been doing other things I hate though, too... more serious things. "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." {Romans 7:15} Paul explains in Romans 7 that it's the sin living inside us that causes this. I've been so tempted to make other things my god, rather than the One I know to be greater than anything in existence... the One who I know to be faithful, righteous, holy, and good. Somehow my sinful self finds ways of neglecting the fact that my God is so great, and lets me believe that other things will bring me fulfillment. It's so so so frustrating... for real (not in a pink & red clashing kinda way).

But there is grace. And I am so so thankful for it, especially at times like this! Last week, I was struggling a lot, and feeling like a failure at living a life for Jesus. But God was faithful to remind me that this is why Jesus died for me. Because of His blood poured out on my behalf, it's impossible for God to look on me in my sinful state with distaste, or any negative feelings whatsoever. When He sees me giving into my temptations & ignoring Him, instead of being angry, He loves me just the same as He does on days where I *am* by His grace worshiping Him in all I do. I'm covered by the righteousness of Christ. And I'm so grateful!

I sure wish I would live a more grateful life =P But I'm learning. I'm learning SO much throughout all this sin and all these trials. "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees..." {Hebrews 12:11-12}

I'm so glad to have a God who loves me more than I can fathom, who has a glorious eternity planned for me, & who promises to be with me until the end of the age... <3